ATTENTION MUST BE PAID
Author: Fr. Michael Byron
December 29, 2019
It is one of
the great iconic quotes from one of the greatest American stage playes of the
20th century. It is uttered by Linda Loman – wife of Willy Loman –
in the drama titled “Death of a Salesman” by Arthur Miller.
As many will
remember, in the play Willy Loman is a traveling salesman whom both time and
talent have passed him by. He’s lost his former charm and formula for success
in the business, and he is the last one to recognize it.
To some
people, including members of his own family, he has become a laughingstock,
while to others he’s become simply an object of pity as his life work comes crashing
down.
Willy still
acts as if he’s somebody who is well respected and powerful, while in fact he
is increasingly delusional, living off of his daydreams of an idealized past.
He’s falling
into a dark, dark place emotionally and physically, but Willy either can’t see it or refuses to see it. So he rails against all of those sinister
forces that conspire to keep him down, and he tries to act like the strong (and
often cruel) controlling person he imagines himself – falsely – to be anymore.
His wife
Linda is not spared from his desperate attempts to assert his dominance at
home, but it seems to be only she who can read what is really going on here,
and to demand that there be a place for compassion and justice.
She is
watching her husband’s personal and professional life collapse, until she can
no longer be silent. And here are those memorable words to her family:
I don’t say he’s a great man. Willy Loman never made a lot
of money. His name was never in the paper. He’s not the finest character that
ever lived. But he’s a human being, and a terrible think is happening to him.
So attention must be paid. He’s not to be allowed to fall into his grave like
an old dog. Attention, attention must finally be paid to such a person.
To say the
same thing more succinctly and less dramatically, once could simply say
“There’s somebody here who is vulnerable, and that is our concern."
And that is
what it means to be a truly Holy Family – whether it be in our homes among our
blood relatives, or here in the parish, or in our broader communities.
Today’s
liturgical feast of the Holy Family is not limited to romanticizing some ideal
collection of Mom and Dad and children – although it can include that.
It is,
rather, about holding up that memorable challenge of Linda Loman to all of us:
“There is someone vulnerable here, and attention must be paid as he or she is a
human being. No other reason is necessary.”
In today’s
first reading (Sirach) it is very significant that the proof of one’s virtue is
honoring a mother or a father comes not when a child obeys a parental order or
fulfilling an expectation when parents are strong and powerful and kids are
weak and dependent and pretty much have to do what they are told in order to
avoid punishment.
No, it is
the opposite. The proof of honoring a father or mother comes on that day when a
parent can no longer issue orders to children, when they become elderly and
vulnerable, and when attention must be paid for entirely different reasons.
At the risk
of sharing an inappropriate story here – I will. My own father died nine years
ago today. As his health was rapidly failing in the hospital, I asked him, “Dad
is it time for power of attorney to be put into place?” He said yes it was. I
asked him what I had to do to empower me to exercise that role. He said,
“Nothing. You’ve had that authority all along. You could have cleared me out
years ago!”
I mention
that only to say that we all have that authority – and that responsibility –
every day, if not legally than in virtue of our Christian commitments.
Who is
vulnerable here, and what do they need from me and from us right now?
In family
life there is a time when the children are the vulnerable ones and it it is the
adults who must step up. But for many of us, the time comes when those roles are
reversed. Attention must be paid, as Linda Loman insisted. But it is our sacred
duty to recognize to who that attention must be ordered. Who is vulnerable?
In the
gospel today, it is clear that Jesus is the vulnerable one – he who makes
himself that way in order to become one of us at Christmas.
The helpless
child being hunted down by the ruthless King of his own nation.
Joseph had a
dream – two of them in fact – and attention had to be paid, at considerable
cost and fear and inconvenience to the family. But the first concern had to be
for the one in greatest danger. They fled to Egypt until Herod died. And then
they returned to Israel to a new town because Bethlehem wasn’t safe.
It was the
vulnerable baby Jesus who was the reason for all this. Eventually he would be
the one to assume responsibility for the vulnerable ones, but not now.
This remains
the very purpose of a truly Holy Family: to surround the ones who are most in
need of our care, and who might just not get it if we are not the ones who are there
to provide it. Attention must be paid.
For some of
us, it is our blood relatives, parents or children or siblings.
And
sometimes, like Willy Loman, they may not even recognize their own
vulnerabilities – and may curs and swear at our attempts to help them.
But we have
to do it anyway.
Where is
somebody at risk from a toxic or abusive relationship?
Where is
somebody at risk from a self-destructive pattern of life?
Where is
somebody at risk from illness or disability or loneliness?
Where is
somebody at risk from being detained at a border crossing?
“Attention,
attention must be paid… because a terrible thing is happening to him/her, and
they are human beings.” That is all that the Christian family member needs to
know.
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