“I DON’T KNOW” IS OK

I attended a funeral on Friday at St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church for a man who grew up here at Pax Christi, was a college classmate of mine, was an extraordinary athlete and adventurer in addition to being an excellent family man and human being, and who died suddenly from the effects of a stroke.  He was my age.  And understandably enough the Pastor in his funeral sermon felt that he had to address the big question of why.  Why did this happen to this person at this time of his life and under these circumstances?  The death of an extreme outdoorsman in great condition who wasn’t yet 60 years old?  And his answer to that question was the only one that any honest Christian person could make.  He told the congregation that as he has gotten older he has become very much more comfortable with the realization that “I don’t know” is not only an adequate answer to man of the mysteries of faith that confront us all, but it’s often the very best answer. 

I was speaking after that funeral with a mutual friend of ours about that excellent insight.  We agreed that one of the tasks of maturing into adulthood—and I guess it happens for most people sometime in their twenties—is the necessary transition from seeking pat answers to all questions to trusting in relationships that don’t always provide us with those answers.  That includes all of our relationships, not only those with God and Jesus, but especially those with God and Jesus.

The task of a child is to seek out correct answers to lots of appropriate questions.  It is to learn how life works and what can and should be understood about things like causes and effects, useful vs. destructive behavior, safety vs. danger, and many of the data of math and science and history and geography and language.  There’s a reason that many school tests for younger people are often filled with questions that are “true or false.”  There’s a lot of hard data that people can and should know with certainty as they grow up.  In that context, a response of “I don’t know” would be unacceptable and wrong and an admission of ignorance. 

But at some point in the life of a reflective person, that category of “I don’t know” emerges as a necessary one, in addition to “true” and “false.”  That’s not meant to serve as an excuse to become lazy and to quit trying to find out why and how things happen as they do.  (some of us will remember when some of our religion teachers in childhood—including some of the nuns—used to end uncomfortable discussions about matters of faith by telling us that “it’s a mystery, and that’s the end of that.”) That’s not what I mean here.  “I don’t know” can instead be the response of a wisdom and humility and experience that is anything but childish failure.  And it can be the most supreme expression of trust in a relationship—including the one we have with God.  “I will remain true to that which I don’t entirely know.”

Jesus, of course, did not come here to test us.  But he did come to teach us, and to love us.  And we human beings, those who followed him around Israel—especially the religious authorities—quickly got into the habit of testing him with “True-False” questions.  Jesus never fell for that.  He almost always responded by pointing out that that dichotomy of “True-False” is itself false.

Question:  True or False:  It is lawful to do a good work on the Sabbath for one who is suffering.
Answer:  It depends.
Question:  True or False:  This man’s sins caused him to be ill, or was it the sins of his parents.
Answer:   Neither
Question:  True or False:  Gentiles have a claim on the Christian religion, not only the Jews.
Answer:  Left blank, and for the early Christian to figure out, as they did in today’s 1st reading (Acts).
Question:  True or False:  We should stone the woman caught in the act of adultery.
Answer:  Trace in the sand with his finger.    

You get the point.

But for his part, Jesus does in fact offer us a kind of test, as he did to his closest friends on the night before he died—but in addition to the possible responses of “True and False” he offers a third one called “I don’t know” for us to reply with, appropriately, and correctly.  And this is where all this goes back to today’s gospel of John.  Here’s his test for us…

Question:  True or False:  You Jesus are leaving in order to abandon us.
Answer:  False
Question:  True or False:  We will never be without your presence, Jesus.
Answer:   True
Question:  True or False:  Jesus’ gift to us forever is peace.
Answer:  True
Question:  True or False:  We understand clearly how all this can happen.
Answer:  False
Question:  True or False:  It is necessary for us to understand all this clearly before we trust.
Answer:  False
Question:  True or False:  As the result of all this, when we are confronted with a whole litany of why questions, it’s ok to live with “I don’t know.”
Answer:  True
Question:  True or False:  One day we shall come to know and understand, even though it can be so overwhelming and painful and confusing and traumatizing now.
Answer:  True

And the why questions are endless for now:
-Why do people die too young for no evident reason?
-Why does lightning strike in this place rather that, or the tornado?
-Why cancer for me and not for her?
-Why so much evil and suffering and indifference to the poor in a world that is beloved of God?

Our task, in the light of Easter, is to stand close to the Savior whom we know and love, secure in our knowledge of the correct answers to the True-False test from Jesus, and equally secure in the assurance that “I don’t know” need not and must not ever be a reason for us to fail in our baptismal responsibility in this world.  

Question:  True or False:  The Eucharist is all we need in order to make that happen.
Answer:  True.  Very True.